Why I’m Afraid of John McCain (and You Should Be Too)

from August 20, 2008

John McCain is certainly not a presidential candidate to be taken lightly, but not for the best of reasons. In the interest of “fairness” (reads: covering my ass), I believe it’s best that I let McCain speak for himself:

In All Seriousness…

“Maybe that’s a way of killing them.”
–Making a wisecrack about the health impact of cigarette smoking on Iran's citizens.

“The first telephones cost a thousand dollars and they were about that big! We all remember that!”
–No, we don’t all remember that [Insert joke about McCain being old here].

“And I stopped beating my wife just a couple of weeks ago…”
–Trying to make a joke.

“Why is Chelsea Clinton so ugly? Because her father is Janet Reno.”
–Just smile and laugh. You don’t want to hurt his feelings.

“Contracting a fatal disease.”
–In response to a reporter's question, "Are there any circumstances under which you could imagine yourself not still being a candidate when the presidential primaries are held?"

Looking Good…

“Like every other 13-year-old in America, she's [McCain’s daughter] in love with Leonardo DiCaprio, who I think is an androgynous wimp.”
–I never really liked his acting anyway.

“I can't believe a guy that handsome wouldn't have some impact.”
–Of Dan Quayle's selection as VP nominee.

“At least I don't plaster on the makeup like a trollop, you cunt.”
–Claimed to have been overheard by three anonymous reporters during his 1992 senate bid.

A Series of Tubes…

“We’re going through a process where you get a whole bunch of names, and ya...Well, basically, it’s a Google. You just, you know, what you can find out now on the Internet. It’s remarkable, you know.”
–Regarding vice-presidential candidates. Yeah. It’s basically a Google.

Sing Along If Ya’ Know the Words…

“Know that old Beach Boys song Bomb Iran? Bomb, bomb bomb...”
–To the tune of Barbara Ann, at a campaign stop, answering a question about what to do with Iran.

Video here.

No Child Left Behind…

“I was in a conference in Germany over the weekend and President Putin of Germany gave one of the old Cold War style speeches...”
(Please note: Vladimir Putin is NOT the president of Germany)

“We need to go back to have a conversation about what to do: rebuild it, tear it down, you know, whatever it is.”
–About the 9th ward in New Orleans

“I don't remember ever saying it.” (3 days later, see above quotation)

The Horrors of War…

“I hate the gooks. I will hate them as long as I live.”
–Statement about his North Vietnamese prison guards.

“There is some indication, and I don’t have the conclusions, but some of this anthrax may — and I emphasize may — have come from Iraq.”
–Linking anthrax attacks in the U.S. to Iraq… maybe.

“Because I know that as successful as I believe we will be, and I believe that the success [in Iraq] will be fairly easy, we will still lose some American young men or women. And that's a great tragedy.”
–Mission accomplished?

“I don’t know if I would want him as vice president. He and I have the same strengths. But to serve in other capacities? Hell, yeah.”
–Regarding his interest in Dick Cheney serving in McCain's administration. It’s like looking in a mirror. A scary mirror!

“Let me say that no one has supported President Bush on Iraq more than I have.”
–No surprises here…

“To state the obvious, I thought it was wrong at the time... those statements and comments did not comport with the facts on the ground.”
–Regarding the United States’ decision to invade Iraq… wait a minute… (see above quotation)

Words to Live by…

“Only an asshole would put together a budget like this. I wouldn't call you an asshole unless you really were an asshole.”
–Said to Senator Pete Domenici at a GOP meeting.

Thank you, and be sure to vote this election season.

Let The Wookie Win!


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